I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
