hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
