I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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