I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
