OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
