I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize