you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
