It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
