Sacagawea was the original milf.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
