Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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