i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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