i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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