highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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