He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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