my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
