you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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