Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
