listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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