Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think people are normalizing furries
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
