how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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