and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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