She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
