I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
