All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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