I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
