The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
