Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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