There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
