Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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