I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My vagina just recognized that song.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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