ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
