we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
