I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
