i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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