I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
