Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
