My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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