Jerry, you need to find god
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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