i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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