i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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