I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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