Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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