The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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