There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
