He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
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woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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