he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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