do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
