Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
