I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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