I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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