just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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