My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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