apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
