I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
