You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
