It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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