I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
