Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
