we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
