For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
