the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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