Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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