The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
