Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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