you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
dude. I can hear the air.
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