i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just found puke in my bra..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
