i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
