At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
