I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
