remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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