A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
