Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
