I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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