I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
