I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
